A proper garden party must be valeted, even if you have to park the automobiles in the hindmost part of your eerie cornfield.
Announcing guests as they enter is the height of decorum and a must. The more volume displayed, the more honor is bestowed upon everyone present.
Respectable dress is “Colonial tea party chic,” which includes but is not limited to hooped gowns, wigs and velvet breeches.
One of the host's most important duties is as dance master. A proper courtly dance sets the tone for the entire afternoon.
Certainly do not provide napkins. Mannerly people never spill, and they will be vastly insulted if you imply they possibly could.
Hire a brass band and have them play time-honored American favorites such as “Hey Mickey,” “Macarena,” “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” and so forth.
Speak in a British accent. Think Anne Hathaway in that new romantic drama meets Madonna circa 1995. Your guests will be dazzled and intrigued.
The host should present something spectacular to draw the attention of the guests, such as an ice sculpture or a pool filled with Italian wine.
The tableau vivant is not only welcome, but expected entertainment at any garden party.
You must perform closing ceremonies that involve carrying lit torches. This will prove your flaming compassion for the perfect garden party.