Kelly: I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact so I got the evidence right there.

(sheepishly watching the pathetic excuse for a match between their trash-talking girlfriends) Jim: Do you wanna go play on the table upstairs?
Darryl: Yes!

Lester Schneider: How long have you known Ms. Levinson?
Michael: Six years and two months.
Lester Schneider: And you were directly under her the entire time?
Michael: That's what she said.
Lester Schneider: Excuse me?
Michael: That's what she said.
Lester Schneider: Ms. Levinson told you that she was your direct superior?

Lester Schneider: Can you go back to where this diression began?
Stenographer: Mr. Schneider - "And you were directly under her the entire time?" Mr. Scott - "That's what she said."
Michael: Well, delivery's all wrong - butchering it.

Diane Kelly: Mr. Scott, who is this other woman..."Ryan"?...who you refer to here as..."Just as hot as Jan, but in a fidderent way"?
Michael: Not a woman - just a cool, great-looking best friend...
Lester Schneider: Aren't we trying to determine whether Michael and Jan were engaged in a romantic affair? Not Michael and this Ryan person...
Toby: (Laughing, unable to control himself) Excuse me!

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