See episode, Survivor Man

Dwight: I keep various weaponries strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcroed under my desk. People say, "Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the work place." Well I say, "It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose."

Michael: Here we are living out a scenario in which a serial killer has captured me. Dwight is going to take me into the woods and leave me for dead.

Dwight: I would never do that- if I had to do that I would make sure you were dead, then cut off the finger tips and eyes so they couldn't identify you- and they'd call me the "Overkill Killer"

Michael: You are as creepy as a real serial killer.

Michael: I wish I could’ve gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! Jan has plastic boobs! I...have...hemorrhoids!

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