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see episode Sexual Harassment

Michael: Toby is in HR which means he works for Corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.


Michael: I just want you to know that, uh, this is not my decision, but from here on out, we can no longer be friends...And when we talk about things here, we may only discuss, um, work-associated things...and, uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy...And in the future, if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression, I will no longer ever do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Yes...
Jim: Wow, that is really hard...You really think you can go all day long?... Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so...
Michael: That's what she said!


Michael: Times have changed a little. And even though we're still a family here at Dunder Mifflin, families grow. And at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management. And it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam as much as I might want to.
Pam: He said what?!?!?!


Michael: Guys, wondering if I could get your help for something. I am looking for a new joke to tell. And it needs to be just killer. And it does not need to be clean. So, what you got?
Darryl: Like, a joke? a knock knock joke?
Michael: Yeah, no. I mean better, better than that. The type of stuff you guys tell all day.
Darryl: Well, those all some awful tight pants you have on. Where did you get them, like Queers R Us?
Michael: Oh, alright alright.


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