Michael's Botched Phrases

Michael considers himself to be an eloquent, witty, and entertaining public speaker. However, throughout the series he botches the delivery and use of common phrases and idioms.

Season 1

• In "Diversity Day," Michael says 'colored' greens instead of collard greens (referring to colored people).

Season 2

• In "The Fight"
  • Michael uses the term "catch-22" incorrectly after hearing Ryan use it.
  • Michael threatens Dwight by saying "two hits, me punching you and you hitting the floor." The correct phrase (me hitting you...) is said by Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club. This may be where Michael heard it first.
• In "Michael's Birthday," Michael says to Pam that her breasts are "ticking time bags" (time bombs).
• In "Casino Night:"
  • Michael says that he considers himself a great "philanderer", instead of "philanthropist."
  • Michael says that he is going to "drop a deuce on everyone" by bringing two dates to the party; the correct expression is "drop a bomb on everyone." "Dropping a deuce" is a slang reference to having a bowel movement.

Season 3

• In "The Convention," Michael says to Jim "The Progidal [sic]... my son returns", which should be "The prodigal son returns." another phrase Michael botches in this episode is that he asks Dwight to get the dirt on Josh and see if he has any "Skeletons in his attic." instead of skeletons in his closet.
• In "Traveling Salesmen," Michael speaks of Dwight's betrayals in a talking head segment- "You know what they say: fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice... strike three" instead of "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me".
• In "Phyllis' Wedding," Michael's speech confuses "wedding" with "welding" and "metals" with "medals".
• In "The Negotiation," Michael says to Jan, "It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled." Michael's use of the word 'gruntled' is actually correct, however unusual.
• In "Safety Training", Michael takes the safety guidebook from Toby and says "sedimentary lifestyle" instead of "sedentary lifestyle".
• While filming his apology video in "Product Recall", Michael defends his honor by declaring, "It wasn't me (who put the obscene watermark on our paper). They are trying to make me an escape goat" instead of scapegoat.
• In "Women's Appreciation," Michael asks if Meredith has a "crescent allen", conflating an allen wrench (also known as a hex key) and a crescent wrench.

Season 4

• In "Fun Run",
  • Michael says he is not superstitious but "a little stitious".
  • He says "what is, we're fine" when discussing jeopardy.
• In "Dunder Mifflin Infinity", Michael says "the country which is currently known as formerly Yugoslavia".
• In "Local Ad," he pronounces "coup" as "coop."
• In "Survivor Man", Michael says Broken Mountain instead of Brokeback Mountain.
• In "The Deposition",
  • Michael misspelled "eerie" as "irie".
  • Michael says "buttload" instead of "busload"
  • Michael thinks The Plaintiff is also a legal thriller movie.
  • Michael says "predominant" instead of "predetermined".
  • Michael misinterprets the word "ambivalent" for some other word.
• In "Dinner Party,"
  • Michael says "make yourself to home."
  • Michael says the wine has an "oaky afterbirth" instead of aftertaste.
• In "Chair Model," Michael says '"Wish I could, but I can’t. Well can, but won’t. Should, maybe, but shorn’t" when Andy and Kevin tell Michael they need to call the 5 families to get their parking spots back. Michael then says to Kevin, "What part of shorn’t don’t you understand, Kevin?"
• In "Night Out," Michael says "T.D.B." instead of "T.B.D." (short for "to be determined").
• In "Job Fair",
  • Michael says "migraine worker" instead of "migrant worker". Also he says this to an American schoolboy, who cannot be a migrant worker in his own country.
  • He says "euthanize" instead of "energize".
• In "Goodbye Toby", Michael says "n3p" instead of "mp3".

Season 5

• In "Business Ethics", Michael says "catharctic".
• In "Customer Survey", Michael reads "smug" as "smudge".
• In "The Surplus,"
  • he says that the chairs are "urkelnomical" (ergonomic).
  • he says "x-axix" instead of "x-axis".
• In a talking-head interview in "Prince Family Paper", Michael states that "The business world is a doggy-dog world." instead of dog eat dog world.
• In "Stress Relief:"
  • Michael says "No rest for the sick," he is incorrectly quoting a well known biblical expression, "No rest for the wicked," or perhaps "No rest for the weary," another common idiom.
  • Michael says "personnel day" instead of "personal day".
  • When he returns to the office and explains that he tried to feed the pigeons in the park, he says they "Must have flown West for the winter", instead of "flown South."
• In "Golden Ticket," Michael says "profiligate," instead of propagate, perhaps confusing it with profligate or proliferate.
• In "New Boss:"
  • he accuses someone of being hypercritical instead of hypocritical
  • he also says "tell him to call me ASAP as possible"
  • he says "segway" instead of "segue".
• In "Two Weeks," Michael says "I'm going to stay up all day, sleep up all night" (stay up all night and sleep up all day).
• In "Dream Team," Michael says "You know what they say, keep your friends close." (Keep your friends close and your enemies closer)
• In "Broke," Michael says to Charles Miner and David Wallace "How the turntables." (How the tables have turned.). In this same episode he says "our balls are in your court" (the ball is in your court).
• In "Casual Friday," Michael says "I am not to be truffled with" instead of "trifled." He also says "frontwards," which is technically a word, but is childish and typically unused.

Season 6

• In "Gossip", Michael says anorexatic instead of anorexic.
• In "The Promotion", Michael says "enliven" instead of "enlighten".
• In "Double Date", Michael says "inappropriosity".
• In "Secret Santa," Michael says
  • to Stanley, "You're going to H - E - L - L - double hockey sticks." (H - E - double hockey sticks)
  • to David, that Jesus "can heal leopards" (lepers), "has the power of flight" (walking in water, possibly) and that Phyllis has "uslurped" (usurped) his role as Santa
• In "The Delivery:"
  • Michael says that Pam is "contrapting" (contracting).
  • Michael says that the chances of [Jim and Pam] getting together were "insurmountainable" (insurmountable).
• In "St. Patrick's Day," Michael says the phrase "fool disclosure" instead of "full disclosure."
• In "New Leads," Michael says "You're all successories!" instead of "accessories." Successories, perhaps coincidentally, is a producer and retailer of motivational office decorations, like posters with quotes.
• In "Body Language," Michael says "I have your baguette." He meant to say barrette.
• In "The Cover Up," after Pam explains that running amok means out of control, Michael later uses it, " It's too late to undo it. I need to know. Otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amok." but he should have said out of control.
• In "The Whistleblower,"
  • Michael says to Pam "My mind is going a mile an hour."; instead of "My mind is going a mile a minute."
  • Michael refers to Angela as Andy's "spermed lover" (he means 'spurned').

Season 7

• In "Nepotism," Michael says:
  • "This is like a witch hunt. This is like "The Blair Witch Hunt Project"." (referring to the 1999 film The Blair Witch Project)
  • "There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment." (corporal punishment).
• In "Costume Contest," Michael says Darryl "backstabs people in the back" (backstabs people or stabs people in the back).