- For the episode, see Mafia.
- See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
- Kevin: Jim's gone on his honeymoon. So I started borrowing his office to fart in. Then one day I came in and I just stayed. Cause this place is awesome. It feels like home now. Even better than my home. My home sucks.
- Dwight: No I disagree. “R” is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it “murder.” And not “muckduck.”
- Oscar: Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon. So there's not the usual balance between “sane and others.” Toby has mentally checked out since June. It's a very dangerous time. The “coalition for reason” is extremely weak.
- Kevin: Oh God. I wouldn't last in jail Oscar. I'm not like you.
- Oscar: What's that supposed to mean?
- Kevin: Oh you don't know about jail? Oh you would love jail.
- Oscar: Why would I love jail?
- Kevin: Because... You would love it.
- Michael: If there is one thing I hate more than the mafia it is a liar. I wish the mafia would go out and kill all the liars. Bury them in my yard. And I wouldn't tell the cops a thing. Not that I would be lying per se. But I would just get really quiet, all of a sudden.
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