- For the episode, see Lice.
- See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
- Dwight: Of all of the vermin in God's great green kingdom, lice are the ones I detest the most. My first day of school, I had lice, and no one would play with me. For 15 years, they called me freak and four eyes and sci-fi nerd and girl puncher. All because I had lice when I was 7.
- Dwight: Scalp leeches, skull vampires, follicle gypsies, hair lawyers. One thing is clear, it's kill or be killed!
- Erin: No, no. It's more of a nuisance really. It's not that big a deal. So, I collected your hats and your coats...
- Dwight: To be burned!
- Erin: To be washed.
- Meredith: Yeah, yeah, everybody pile on Meredith. But I'm the only one with the balls to show them lice who's boss.
- Erin: Ok, nobody panic. If everybody just follows my instructions, then nobody else needs to end up bald. Not that it looks bad, Meredith. It looks...It looks awesome. You look like a baby who suddenly aged 50 years. A cute baby, but something sucked the life force out of it. I'm so sorry. We need mayonnaise! We need it now.
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