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See episode Conflict Resolution

Dwight: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at sixty pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?


Michael: Okay, so Dwight, in your own words - [reads from complaint paper] "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert." [flips to another paper] "Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."

Jim: [laughs] Yes! Five bucks each. And it was totally worth it.

Michael: [reading] "This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer." [flips to another paper] "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." Gah. "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone."

Jim: That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just... took 'em all out.

Michael: [reading] "Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'."

Jim: Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.

Michael: "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier."

Jim: Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day.

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