- For the episode, see Christmas Party.
- See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
- Michael: Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth."
- Creed: That's from me.
- Jim: Great. Where'd you get it?
- Creed: I don't know. It was so long ago.
- [Cut to talking heads]
- Jim: He obviously forgot to get me something. So he went into his closet and dug out this little number, and then threw it in a bag.
- Creed: Yep. That's exactly what happened.
- Michael: So Phyllis is basically saying "Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help out the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth." I gave Ryan an iPod.
- Kelly: I will steal the iPod.
- Michael: In addition to these paintball pellets, your gift includes two paintball lessons with Dwight Schrute.
- Dwight: You and me, Michael. Yes.
- Michael: Who wants to take paintball lessons? How is that better than an iPod?
- Dwight: I never said it was better than an iPod. [Michael pulls off Dwight's elf ears and throws them at his face]
- Dwight: [In a talking head] Michael keeps bragging about his iPod. But you know what? Two paintball lessons with someone as experienced as I am is easily worth like two grand. Take that, Saddam.
- Michael: Last gift, Kevin.
- Kevin: I want the footbath. That's the thing I bought myself. I'm really psyched to use it. Maybe I should've taken the iPod. Oh shoot.
- Dwight: Yankee Swap is like Machevelli meets... Christmas.
- Michael: Uh oh. Looks like Santa was a little naughty.
- Michael: Now you're the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered?
- Liquor Store Clerk: 15 bottles of vodka? Yea, that should do it.
- Meredith: The deal is that this is my last hurrah, cause I made a New Year's resolution that I'm not going to drink anymore. During the week.
- Phyllis: Does everybody know my boyfriend, Bob Vance?
- Kevin: Kevin Malone.
- Bob: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
- Stanley: Stanley Hudson.
- Bob: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
- Ryan: Ryan Howard.
- Bob: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
- Ryan: What line of work you in, Bob?
- Todd Packer: What's up, m'nerds? Check it out. [Points at the mistletoe stuck down his pants]
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