- For the episode, see Café Disco.
- See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
- Michael: Now I know what the founders of Phillip-Morris felt like. You just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster.
- Jim: Oh, so this morning at breakfast, we're having breakfast together, and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, 'You what I want to do today? I wanna marry you'.
- Pam: I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it.
- Michael: Charles really did a number on these guys. They are way too focused on work. When I was in charge, this place was like Dave and Buster's People just hanging out, having, fun, eating apps. I don't know. It's like [pause] Dave died or something.
- Michael: Daddy's here and daddy is going to take care of you.
- Oscar: Please don't refer to yourself as our daddy.
- Michael: I am your big daddy and I am gonna kiss da boo boo.
- Andy: [baby voice] Wittle Andy is afwaid.
- Michael: Andy's afwaid?
- Andy: Yes.
- Michael: Are you all afwaid?
- Dwight: No.
- Michael: Daddy's here for you. My wittle angels. Ok. I think that I have figured a way to get you guys out of your funk.
- Dwight: Who tipped you over? Was it Phillip?
- Dwight: Yeah. Back injuries are common. Not as common as knee injuries but more common than wrist injuries.
- Michael: I don't need you to give me a history lesson. Ok?
- Dwight: What do you think history is?
- Michael: You all just took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.
- Creed: Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here.
- Michael: Hey, thank you, Creed. you're really getting this place.
- Creed: No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now.
- Dwight: I'm gonna with the python.
- Phyllis: But the rattler's so scary.
- Dwight: No. Please. I find the rattle soothing. It puts me to sleep.
- Phyllis: I think Bob is gonna cheat on me with his new secretary. [she starts to giggle]
- Dwight: What's so funny?
- Phyllis: When I say it out loud it's so silly. [they both laugh]
- Phyllis: Wanna dance, Dwight?
- Dwight: Ordinarily I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic.
- Bob: Mind if I steal my wife?
- Dwight: You can't steal what is legally your property.
- Bob: Are those staples?
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