- For the episode, see Andy's Ancestry.
- See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
- Fake Jim: Morning, Dwight
- Dwight: Who are you?
- Fake Jim: Who am I? I'm Jim. We’ve been working together for twelve years. Ha, Weird joke, Dwight.
- Dwight: You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian
- Fake Jim: You seriously never noticed? Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race.
- Dwight: Alright then Jim. Ahhh, why don't you tell me about that sale that you made yesterday?
- Fake Jim: Uh, Wellington systems? Sold them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock. Or, were you talking about Krieger-Murphy? Because I didn't close that one yet, but I'm hoping I’ve got a voicemail from Paul Krieger waiting for me.
- Voicemail: Please enter your password. [Fake Jim enters password] You have one new message.
- Dwight: How did you know? No! No, no! That is sensitive information only for employees, not outsiders!
- Fake Jim: Dwight, cut it out, I'm trying to work.
- Dwight: You don't work here! You're not Jim!
- Pam: Jim, I got us that dinner reservation. Grico's at 7:30.
- Fake Jim: Oh great, can't wait. [Kisses Pam]
- Pam: [talking head] Jim's at the dentist this morning. And Steve is an actor friend of ours.
- Dwight: I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim. This is Jim!
[Dwight shows fake Jim of the Halpert family portrait but notices that Jim and the kids have been replaced with fake Jim and Asian kids]
- Dwight: Oh my—! Oh d—! Oh, how did—? [gasps] Huhhhhh!
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