Special Project Quotes


 * See episode: Special Project

Dwight: The Schrutes have a word for when everything comes together in a man’s life perfectly: Perfectinschlag. Hmm. Right now, I am in it. I finally get a chance to prove myself to corporate, I am assembling a competent team, I am likely a father, I am so deep inside of perfectinschlag right now. And just to be clear, there is a second definition, “perfect pork anus” which I don’t mean. Erin: And here’s the fax for you.

Andy: And here’s some facts for you. Did you know frogs can hear with their lungs? And that flamingos can have orgasms that last 30 minutes.

Erin: Ah! Love to learn.

Andy: Yeah, it’s weird that I said that last one. Dwight: Pam, pack up your post-natal swimwear, make it a one piece or this offer is rescinded, and join me on a fantastic barbeque one week from today in Tallahassee, Florida where I’m going to be living for the next three weeks.

Pam: Really?

Dwight: Mm hm.

Pam: I’ll fly anywhere for some good barbeque.

Jim: Ooh, me three.

Dwight: Eh! No plus one’s. This is for competent workers only. And don’t worry about the cost, Sabre is footing the bill.

Pam: Does this have anything to do with what you were talking to Andy about?

Dwight: God, you’re such a spy. Dwight: My first task as special project manager Dwight Schrute? Assembling a crack team. I need people who are loyal. People who’ll help me get an inroad with the gay Hispanic community. People who won’t be missed. We don’t need idiots, good for nothing’s, meth-heads or… What’s your name?

Cathy: Cathy.

Dwight: Cathy. Dwight: Kevin!? Kelly!? Cathy!? Andy just gave me a chain with three weak links. Have you ever tried to use a chain with three weak links? I have. And now I no longer own an arctic wolf. Dwight: Let’s go, step it up you runts. You infants, let’s move.

Stanley: Why is it so hot in here?

Dwight: Hot? What are you talking about? This is a nice temperate Florida morning. Eighty-five degrees, seventy-five percent humidity. This is the exact environment you will be facing for the next three weeks of your life. Welcome to special projects orientation. The next three weeks of your life are gonna be the most miserable you’ve ever faced. They’re gonna be hard, they’re gonna be dirty. You’re gonna wish you were dead.

Ryan: But…

Dwight: But? There’s not buts. That’s it. You’ll wish you were dead. You seem a little disturbed, you wanna stay here?

Ryan: No no, I want to go.

Dwight: Cause if any of you would prefer to stay here, all you need to do is ring this bell.

Jim: Is that the buzzer from Taboo?

Dwight: SHUT UP MAGGOT! YOU DON’T WANT TO GO, RING THE BELL! RING IT! Ring it. Dwight: I released three hundred mosquitoes in the conference room, just temporarily. When I’m done, the frogs will take care of the mosquitoes. Dwight: Yes, when he brushes your soft supple cheeks with his worn leathery hands and says “I’m gonna make you the seventh Mrs. Rosenblatt” unless you ring this bell. Ring it! Ring the bell. You wanna spend the rest of your life changing your husband’s colostomy bags? Huh? Do you? Ring it! Wha-, oh. What was that?

Jim: Mosquito.

Dwight: Orientation is over.