Schrute Customs


 * The Schrute family is historically Amish.
 * Schrutes have superior genes.
 * Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
 * Schrutes value children for their ability to help work in the fields.
 * Schrutes do not back down.
 * Schrutes are loyal. (On the other hand, Mannheims know when to cut and run.)
 * Schrutes use every part of the goose.
 * Schrutes marry standing in their own graves. This was confirmed by a photograph in the Schrute Farms wedding album.
 * Schrutes who fail at something are shunned for three years. Dwight was shunned from ages four to six for not saving excess oil from a can of tuna.
 * Schrutes live a long time. Grandma Schrute lived to age 101.
 * When a Schrute male has sex with a woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats.
 * Schrute babies are uncircumcised.
 * Schrutes believe in a five-fingered intervention: Awareness, education, control, acceptance, and punching.
 * Schrute boys must learn 40 rules before the age of five. They are told that if they don't learn their rules, they will be eaten in their sleep.
 * Schrutes have not celebrated birthdays since the Depression.
 * Do not turn your back on bears, a man you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season.
 * The youngest child raises all the older children.
 * Schrutes have a dress code when mourning.
 * If a Schrute throws red dirt at your face, you are invited to a funeral.
 * If a Schrute throws black dirt at your face, you are not.
 * It is customary to shoot the dead at a funeral, to ensure that he or she is actually dead. (There was an unlucky streak of burying heavy sleepers at one point.)
 * If a man is interested in courting a woman, he may throw the beaks of a crow at her. And then, if she’s interested in accepting the courtship, she has to destroy the beaks.
 * Nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses. Second only to the neck.