Stairmageddon Quotes

See Episode Stairmageddon

Oscar: Our office has an unusually large number of… unusually large people.

Stanley: This is an abomination.

Erin: Come on. You got this. Here.

Oscar: So when something as routine as elevator maintenance happens, and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort, we have to compare it to the end of time. Pam: He took this job in Philly without telling me. He bought our house without telling me. At a certain point, he shouldn’t be rewarded for that.

Jim: If I didn’t do certain things without telling Pam, she’d be married to Roy. [chuckles]

Pam: I feel like he’s always making these decisions for the family, and then I’m left playing catch-up. Dwight: Don’t worry, it’s just a bull tranquilizer. Nothing to be alarmed about. It’s just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at a coworker.

Stanley: Dwight, you do not learn, do you? For a threat to be credible, you ha—

Dwight: [fires tranquilizer gun at Stanley]

Clark: Holy [bleep]. Robert: I once believed that a gay person could be somewhat straight. It wasn’t until my marriage to Angela that I realized how…charmless I find the female body. Erin: Oscar is with the Senator too?

Kevin: Yes! And I knew it the whole time! I kept the secret. I kept the secret so good. You didn’t know, you didn’t know, and you didn’t freaking know. But I knew! [claps]

Oscar: He knew!

Kevin: Yes, we did it!

Oscar: You did it, Kevin.

Kevin: Yes! Ohh! I did it. Ohh, I did it.