The List Quotes


 * See episode The List

Oscar: Planking is a very stupid and dangerous trend. Basically, you lie like a plank in weird places. That’s it. Sometimes you get run over. Welcome to the Internet.

Erin: Planking is one of those things where, eh, you either get it or you don’t. And I don’t. But I am so excited to be a part of it. Jim: The Search Committee finally decided, after a lot of deliberation, on Robert California… for the manager position. Who took one look around and left. He drove down to Florida and convinced Jo to make him CEO… CEO… her own job. He talked her out of her own job. And I don’t really know how someone does that. But, anyway, then the position was his to fill. And he chose…

Andy: [drumroll with hands] I… it’s unbelievable. True, I may have been the second choice, but I was the first-choice’s first choice. And, about Dwight, I sensed that he might have some resentment about not getting the job so I sat him down and we had a talk. And I told him, “I need a really strong number two. I want you to be my enforcer.” Smart, right?

Kelly: [planking on top of cabinet] Very smart.

Andy: Uh, this has got to stop.

Kelly: I can’t get down. Darryl: Yeah, I wanted the manager job, but I got somethin’ much better. This soda. This is mine. Stanley: It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees, and shove it up your butt.

[cut to talking head]

Stanley: I came up with a new thing this summer. I act like I'm telling someone how to do somethin’. I go on with a long description and then I say, “and shove it up your butt.” It’s stupid, but it’s my thing now. Dwight: [starts attacking plankers] Kids, don’t try planking. It’s dangerous. [knocks Toby off table] ‘Specially with me around. Jim: The new CEO works out of the conference room about half the time. But whenever he takes a break, he does these weird walks around the office. And you never know who he’s gonna zero in on for these really intense small-talks. You just hope it’s not you. And yet, you hope it is you too. It’s strange. Robert: You want to know the truth? Fine, these are doodles.

Andy: What?

Robert: Some people doodle when they are bored, they usually draw houses or penises- funny how the houses are always colonial and the penises are always circumcised. But I can't draw so I draw shapes and lists.

Andy: I'm sorry- did you just move my name from one side of the list to the other?

Robert: I might as well have been sketching a cube.