User blog:MiscellaneousSoup/Sneak Preview of My Six-Part Seinfeld//The Office Crossover

Here's a sneak preview. By the way, I'm nearly done with part five. Enjoy!

                    Seinfeld Invades The Office, Chapter One.

                     Seinfeld: “The Penny”

Jerry Seinfeld is in New York’s best comedy club, and is giving a routine.

”You know, I’ve never understood toll booths. You let some complete idiot run a stand that gives you free money. Someone could just steal half of it for personal gain. With all the pennies, nickels, dimes, and occasional dollars, someone could pay for their kid’s life. ‘Let’s see. Milly needs some new braces, I’ll take this much money. Hmmm...The fridge is broken, that’s more money. Bob needs some new clothes.’” Jerry pretends to dial a phone. ‘“Hi, honey, I’m at work. Do you need any money for groceries?

                                               …

“Jerry paces around his apartment, like a caged beast.” Kramer said in a movie director’s voice/

“Kramer, can you stop that?!” Jerry yelled. “This is a horrible idea! Who would want you to become a nature documentary narrator?”

“Hey, Jerry, I know people. Remember Tim, from the downtown movie theater? He recently got fired for eating all the popcorn!” Kramer gleefully explained.

“Oh, yeah. That guy. He was always pestering me to star in a movie based on a script that he made. Wait, what does this have to do with nature documentaries?”

“He now works at Mary’s Macadamia Nut store. And before you ask what nature documentaries have to do with macadamia nuts, I’ll tell you. Mary is working on a nature documentary based on the mythical green flamingo.”

Jerry burst out laughing. “That’s ridiculous! The ‘green flamingo’ is a myth! What idiot believes in the green flamingo?”

Newman opened the door.

Jerry turned to face him. “Hello, Newman.” he said snidely.

“Hello, Jerry.” Newman replied smugly. “And, for your information, Jerry, the wild green flamingo is not a myth. It’s one hundred percent fact.”

“Oh, really? Where did you read about it? The National Enquirer, perhaps? Another tabloid that prints nothing but lies?”

“You just don’t appreciate fine literature, being a lowly stand-up comedian. I read it in the Weekly Monthly Daily Yearly Biyearly Globe. ”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“Isn’t that a little much?” Jerry inquired.

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“Well, it used to be the Weekly Monthly Daily Yearly Biyearly Secondly Minutely Globe Herald Bonanza.” Kramer and Newman left the room, animatedly talking about Kramer’s newest scheme. As they left, the buzzer rang.

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“Who is it?” Jerry asked.

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">The response came quickly. “It’s George.”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“Come up.”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">A few moments later, George came up.

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“I have had it with that woman!” he ranted. “HAD IT!! That woman is a lunatic! She should be locked up in an insane asylum! No, Alcatraz! No, Guantanamo Bay!”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“So what you’re saying is that she’s just like you, then?” Jerry said sarcastically. “What’s bugging you this time? Did she talk too much about important things? Or, heaven forbid, did she ask you about your feelings? The horror!”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“Yeah, yeah, very funny, comedy boy. She broke a very important law of relationships! Perhaps the most important one of all!”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“The Toilet Seat Clause? There’s always a big controversy over that. Or maybe the meal-paying? Tips?”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“No. She broke the Penny Code. It’s the absolute pinnacle of every successful relationship.”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. You haven’t had any successful relationships. Well, except for Susan, but she died.”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“Again, very funny. Just laugh it up, while old Georgey wallows in misery.”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“Oh, just stop it with the self-pity routine already! What’s going on?”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“Well, the only rule in the Penny Code is this. ‘If a couple shalt find a penny, then the finder must first offer it to the findee.’”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“Wow. I was wrong. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. Can I use that in a comedy routine? Anyway, why does a measly penny matter so much? You have tons of pennies! I have tons of pennies!”

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times">“It’s the principle of the thing.” George replied.