Sex Ed Quotes


 * See episode, Sex Ed

"Mexican Man: [speaking Spanish]""Son: We don’t go with that man. I’ve seen several men go with that man and not come back.""Mexican Man: [speaking Spanish]""Son: We’ve lost friends.""Mexican Man: [speaking Spanish]""Son: We don’t know what he does with them.""Mexican Man: [speaking Spanish]""Son: I don’t want to talk about it anymore." Dwight: I pick up day laborers and tell them they’ll get paid at six p.m. At five forty five, a certain INS agent by the name of Mose Schrute throws them in the back of a van, drops them off in the middle of Harrisburg and tells them it’s Canada. Nate: Hola amigo.

Dwight: Hola, tu es un bueno worker?

Nate: Si, yo muy bueno worker.

Dwight: Y el accento, donde are you from?

Nate: Scranton, y before that La Philadelphia.

Dwight: You speak English?

Nate: Yes, I’m really good at English.

Dwight: Okay, good. Me too, get in the car.

Nate: Okay. Dwight: That is my new maintenance worker, Nate. And you’ll be happy to know that he’s taking care of that hornet’s nest that you’ve been griping about.

Phyllis: Yeah, I got stung up my dress.

Dwight: Poor hornet.

Dwight: I left him all the tools he needs. This is do or die. If he chooses correctly, he’ll conquer the hornets…

Ryan: But if he doesn’t?

Dwight: He’ll die.

Kelly: What?

Andy: Uhh, beg your pardon?

Dwight: When did the phrase do or die become so corrupted? Michael: There are many reasons a man would wear a fake mustache to work. [spinning in chair] He is a fan of the outrageous. He loves to surprise! He loves… other things as well. Phyllis: [seeing a large red spot on Michael’s lip] God! Wow!

Michael: [shying away] Look, [sighs] It’s a pimple Phyllis. Avrile Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.

Phyllis: That’s no pimple Michael.

Michael: You mean cancer?

Pam: What? No! Wait, no. Definitely not cancer. Pam: It’s just good to stop a Michael train of thought early before it derails and destroys the entire town. Meredith: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It’s just a cold sore.

Michael: It is?

Meredith: Yup, just a cold sore.

Michael: Just a cold sore, thank you. Phyllis, I don’t have acne. I have a cold sore. I don’t even have a cold. I don’t know how I got it.

Kevin: I know how you got it. [smug expression on his face]

Michael: How?

Kevin: Michael, come on. A cold sore is herpes.

Michael: What?

Pam: Wait! What you should do, Michael, is have a doctor take a look at it. Because we really don’t know what that is.

Meredith: I know tons and tons of people who have herpes. I have it myself. That’s what it is.

Kevin: I never seen herpes on you.

Meredith: Because it’s on my genitals, genius.

Kevin: You have a penis?

Andy: Michael, have you ever been tested for STDs?

Michael: Yeah! My last physical when I was forty.

Jim: That was like, ten years ago.

Michael: No! It was like four years ago!

Kevin: Michael, you’re at least forty six!

Michael: Why at least? If you’re guessing forty six just say forty six. Dwight: No, I’m no doctor, but it seems to me that we all have an obligation to the public health to track down anyone who gives us a disease, inform them of it, and take overwhelming revenge on that person. Again, I’m no doctor. I’m just a normal guy who enjoys revenge.


 * Holly: Michael, I have been dating A.J. for a year and a half now. You do this, you know.
 * Michael: Do what?
 * Holly: You romanticize things.
 * Michael: I don't romanticize th...No...
 * Holly: Michael, you cried at that tagline for a movie you made up.
 * Michael: "He had no arms or legs. He couldn't hear, see, or speak. This is how he led a nation."

Jan: How do I do it? Raise my daughter, work as director of office purchasing for this hospital and release an album of Dorris Day covers on my own label? If I knew I’d tell you.


 * Andy: Okay, in that case, I will now show you how to put this condom on...using this pencil. What?
 * Oscar: Why would you choose a pencil, Andy?
 * Andy: Well, I'm not gonna use my penis, Oscar! It's not exactly hard right now anyway.
 * Meredith: Come on, give it a rest, pencil dick.
 * Andy: I'm doing this for you, Meredith!

Michael: Hi Holly it’s Michael, I just wanted to call and let you know that I was thinking about what you said. It’s just. You know? It’s weird. Today I ended up seeing a lot of women that I used to date, and in my mind they were all great. And then when I actually saw them, it was mostly a freak show. And you and me, that must have been a real train wreck. You know what, Holly? You’re wrong. You are wrong. I remember every second of us. And talking to them today, I don’t feel for them anything like what I feel for you. I didn’t joke with any of them, I joked with you. You are the only one who was actually happy to hear from me. And I don’t know why you downgraded what we had but I did not make us up. Ok. Oh, wait, and you should talk to a doctor because you might have herpes. Bye.