Weight Loss Quotes


 * See episode Weight Loss

Jim: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Michael is actually killing it with Holly. And I think I know why. It’s because Holly is kind of a major dork.

Michael: [rapping] I’m MC Mike Scott, and I am hot. She’s DJ Jazzy Flax, and she is the best. All those sucker branches can suck our fat!

Holly: Wikka wikka wikka what? Jim: I don’t really know Ronnie. But I have a feeling I will get to know her very well over the next few years, and eventually declare my love for her. Holly: You’re shaking. Are you all right?

Kelly: Just leave me alone!

[Cut to talking head]

Kelly: [sickly] I am on the third day of my cleanse diet. All I have to do is drink maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and water for all three meals. Um, I just bought some bikinis online, size 2. So … gonna look amazing. Kevin: How’s the candle game?

Jan: Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil?

Kevin: Cool. Thank God they found her, too.

Jan: Oh, they found her?

Jim: When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father - by telling us that...he was the father.

Andy: Hey. So, since my little lady has such particular, impossible to perceive taste, I have made nonrefundable deposits at four totally different wedding locales: Hot-air balloons over Napa Valley, world-famous Walt Disney’s Epcot Center, scuba-diving wedding in the Bahamas and the Wilkes-Barre Marriott Ballroom C.

Angela: Dangerous. Tacky. Sharks. Haunted. No. Angela: I have a nice comforter and several cozy pillows. I usually read a chapter of a book, and it’s lights out by 8:30. That’s how I sleep at night!

Holly: Who's that woman in Michael's office, with the feet?

Oscar: That's his ex.

Holly: Oh, she's...she's very beautiful...

Oscar: Yes, she is...and clinically insane.

Holly: You do not talk to him like that!

Angela: But he's an idiot!

Holly: He is not an idiot! He is mentally challenged...but he's doing a super job here!

Kevin: Wait, back up. Do you think that I'm retarded?

Holly:Wha...no...a...Dwight...

Angela: (Clearly enjoying the spectacle) Oh Holly, that is very offensive!

Stanley: I lost four pounds. I don’t know what those other fools were doing, but I lost four pounds.

Phyllis: I've replaced Angela as head of the Party Planning Committee...I guess I was just in the right place at the right time!

Michael: What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I went -- I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.

Holly: It's kind of a Good News-Bad News situation. The bad news is, we're not doing very well, so we really hadda starve ourselves this whole week. But the good news, is that all the other branches are doing just as bad as we are, so Corporate upped the prize to five days - so if we stay fat long enough, we may actually get a whole month off!

Andy: This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. I haven’t had a very hard life.

Kelly: I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me, and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat, and then, after three months I take some medicine and I pass it - Creed sold it to me, it's from Mexico.

Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.

Michael: Ronnie was...bllahh...things were at an all-time sad here. But then I got an e-mail from Ryan, that he was coming back to town, and I called the temp agency, and I told them, I will pay you any amount, just give me Ryan Howard - give him to me. I need him! Andy: Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them… or he quits them because they are unfair.

Stanley: I don’t know about anyone else. But it was a good summer for me. I lost seven pounds. And you know what? I’m just gonna take five days off anyway. Toby: [in a hospital bed, watching Entourage in Spanish] Oh, I went ziplining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn’t strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And, I’ve been in the hospital five weeks now. I still haven’t seen the beach. It’s nice to have visitors.