Survivor Man Quotes


 * See episode, Survivor Man

Toby: Ryan invited me to go on his wilderness adventure retreat. It was this amazing, beautiful experience [Michael knocks on the window behind Toby from outside]

Michael: [from outside] Hey, nobody cares. Nobody cares. I need that room at some point, so just, wrap it up.

Toby: Michael wasn’t invited.

Dwight: I keep various weaponries strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcroed under my desk. People say, "Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the work place." Well I say, "It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose."

Michael: Here we are living out a scenario in which a serial killer has captured me. Dwight is going to take me into the woods and leave me for dead.

Dwight: I would never do that- if I had to do that I would make sure you were dead, then cut off the fingertips and eyes so they couldn't identify you- and they'd call me the "Overkill Killer"

Michael: You are as creepy as a real serial killer.

Creed: I hate devils food.

Jim: Well I think Meredith was just —

Creed: Screw Meredith, I don’t think it’s fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday.

Jim: Everybody’s birthday.

Creed: Today is actually my birthday and I want to pick the cake.

Jim: What do you want?

Creed: I want pie. I want peach pie.

Jim: You want a birthday pie?

Creed: I want a nice cobbler.

Jim: Well, I’m gonna to talk to Angela and we’re gonna see what we can do about a pie.

Creed: I don’t care who you talk to. Just make it happen.

Jim: It will be Angela.

Creed: You tell her it’s for Creed. She’ll know what that means. Dwight: I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone, but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support, but I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.

Michael: I wish I could’ve gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! Jan has plastic boobs! I...have...hemorrhoids!

Stanley: I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.

Oscar: Why don’t you just have an apple?

Stanley: Why don’t you mind your business?

Jim: Well, I don’t think I’ll be here in ten years.

Michael: That’s what I said. That’s what she said.

Jim: That’s what who said?

Michael: I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard.

Jim: That’s what she said.

Michael: Hey! Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.