Manager and Salesman Quotes


 * See episode: Manager and Salesman

Jo Bennett: I'm a Breast Cancer survivor, close personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys. Pleased to meet you.

[cut to conference room]

Jo Bennett: [to Angela, filing into the conference room] Uh, just choosin' seats. Not gettin' married! Chop chop, little onion!

Andy: Look alive. [tosses a card at Meredith]

Meredith: Ow! Geez you gave me a paper cut on my throat!

[cut to talking head]

Meredith: Yeah I have this thing about men cutting or threatening to cut my throat. Don't try to cut my throat! Michael: I have been saying the word “manager” a lot, so whenever Jo thinks “manager” she thinks of me. Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel by making him look like a penis. I can’t even go near a cigarette now without thinking of a penis. And vise-versa. Ryan: Did you see Saw?

Dwight: Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time.

Ryan: No, uh, the movie. Did you see the movie Saw?

Dwight: Oh, yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw.

Ryan: Okay, the reason these movies are so popular, is the element of psychological torment.

Dwight: I like where you’re going with this. Continue.

Ryan: Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something?

Dwight: I have an old barn!

Ryan: Yes!

Dwight: It’s kinda smelly, but that might be a plus! And then what?

Ryan: We do what they did in Saw! … I mean, we don’t kill him, obviously. I have a mask…

Dwight: Okay, that’s your idea? Exactly like in the movie!? That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life!

Ryan: Well suggest something else then! Don’t just…

Dwight: He’s supposed to cut his leg off? Think!

Ryan: Don’t just criticize my idea!

Dwight: Think!

Ryan: You think of something then!

Dwight: Bobcat, this is Dragon.

Dwight Schrute: The new IT guy. Nick.

Ryan: Nick.

Dwight Schrute: I think he is the key. He is very trusting, he's looking for friends. He's been given an awesome amount of power and does not know how to wield it.

Ryan: Like Frodo.

Dwight Schrute: Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references. OK, Dumb Jock?

Ryan: Well I think he can be corrupted. Like Gollum.

Dwight Schrute: Smeagol, was corrupted and became Gollum.

[cut to talking head]

Dwight Schrute: I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one. Dwight: Listen, I know you have to say that, but we got a little problem here. There is an employee named Jim Halpert, and he is doing some terrible things, okay? He is molesting people via the internet. And we need to stop him.

Nick: I think that you should call the cops.

Dwight: No, the cops called us. Michael: I really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here.

Jim: For the record, I fought this. Alright? And now, I’m not really sure what we do.

Michael: We make a poster that says “Happy Opposite Day!” and she sees it on the way out… Nah, that’s stupid. Ugh! I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men in Black.

Jim: Hey, what was that movie where their boss was within earshot and they could’ve just gone and talked to her.

Michael: Lethal Weapon?

Jim: That’s it. I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way.

Jo Bennett: [yelling at Jim and Michael], You two are grown ass men!