Traveling Salesmen Quotes


 * see episode Traveling Salesmen

Michael: Jim, could you come in here please?

Harvey: Hi, Jim.

Jim: Hello.

Harvey: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.

Michael: Sorry, oh wow, that’s so rude. I’m sorry, I can’t control him.

Jim: Yeah, you can.

Michael: You know what? Get Pam.

Jim: For this?

Michael: Pam.

Harvey: Pam, you look very hot today.

Jim: Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael’s new friend.

Pam: Great.

Harvey: Me so horny. Me love you long tim.

Michael: Oh, that is gross.

Pam: Who is ‘Long Tim’?

Michael: Damn it.

Harvey: Long time. Me lobe yoy long time.

Jim: Oh well, ‘Yoy’ should bring in ‘Long Tim’ in one day. Shouldn’t he?

Pam: I would love to meet Long Tim.

Jim: Yeah. Right?

Pam: Yeah.

Harvey: You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive.

Jim: Ok.

Pam: Ok. Bye Harvey.

Harvey: Boobs.

Andy: Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we are touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river.

Ryan: I am very flattered. I was his second choice after “Pass.”

Jim: Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There is just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot.

Stanley: Ha ha ha! And you just said, “Hi! Hi! Hi!” Ha heh ha! You sounded like my niece, and she’s six months old!

Michael: Where were you this morning?

Dwight: I overslept. Damn rooster didn’t crow.

Michael: Why do you lie, liar?

Dwight: I am not a liar.

Michael: You are lying right now.

Andy: It sure seems like he is lying.

Dwight: Stay out of this, you!

Michael: I know that you went to corporate this morning, and I know that you lied about it. And given our history, I need you tell me this instant exactly what you were doing.

Dwight: Michael, I cannot tell you what I was doing there. But you have to trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you or this company.

Michael: Ok, you know what? I want you to think about your future in this company. I want you to think about it long and hard.

Dwight: That’s what she said.

Michael: Don’t. Don’t you dare

Dwight: Ahem-hem-hem. May I have your attention please? This will only take a moment of your time. Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown and I will meet my new challenges head-on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It has been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon but remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So…

Andy: Oompa-Loompa Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompity-doomp.

Ryan: Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed.

Angela: Dwight, from sales, was one of the most honorable and efficient employees this company has ever had.

Dwight: One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.